- You can just say "It looks good." - Yeah.
No, that's how I talk.
Oh, you got a really fresh entryway here. Pretty awesome.
- show you the front of the house, which is actual...
Will you vultures please give us some privacy? He just died last night.
What is going on here?
It was the asbestos in here, that's what did it!
I've seen too many dead bodies.
- I can't be in here. I can't. - No, no, no.
- Not bad. - Eat shit, Derek.
- Awesome B-day party, broheisens. - You the man, Derek.
Okay, who's this from? TJ?
Where are the rest of my gifts, dude?
Totally joking around, TJ.
All right.
Oh, yes! Yes! Callaway 3-wood.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Yeah.
- Bomb it down the fairway, bitches! - That's right.
Hi, my name is Jim. Wanna suck my dick for money?
- It's just me. Hi. - Oh, my God.
What are you doing? This is the men's bathroom.
Happy anniversary.
- It's our second date. - What?
Listen, I'm sick of being all coy and bashful, Dale. Okay?
- We're in the bathroom. - This'll just take a minute.
There's really little you can do about it. Let me just hop on.
It's all slippery.
Oh, my God!
It's getting tingly. Something's gonna happen, Alice!
Oh, we just had sex.
- Just the way I imagined it. - I like you.
I love you.
- Stay golden, Ponyboy. I gotta pee. - Okay.
Oh, my God.
You're incredible.
Say hello to my little friend.
- Just kidding. It's from Scarface. - Scarface.
Shut the fuck up!
- Sweet-ass gift, Teej. - Yeah, not bad.
- I got it all mapped out. - Okay.
- I'm following your lead, though. - I'll get all eyes on us.
- Okay. - Just like we planned.
And then we'll drop the hammer.
What were Dale and Brennan doing with my video camera, do you know?
I have no idea. And frankly, I really don't care. So...
I would like to say a few things.
Derek, you are an outstanding young man, son.
And I would like say that this is the image I have:
That sometimes when I'm making love to your mother and I realize that...
...this is where you came from, that I'm so moved...
...that I talked to my lawyer, and not only are you going to be...
...in my heart forever, but you're going to be in my will, young man.
- Okay. Okay. - Okay?
- Robert, that was fucking awesome. - Thank you.
You got a lot of this, buddy. And you got a lot of these.
Thank you.
Everyone, if I could have your attention, please.
For those of you who don't know me...
...my name's Dale Doback. - Check. Check.
I'm Robert's other son, the biological one.
Check. Check.
Probably wondering why we gathered you here tonight...
...besides Derek's birthday.
We got a special surprise for you, Derek, and everybody here...
- Check, check. - Check.
- Dale. No, please. - Don't interrupt them.
- I'm begging you. - You wanna shut this down?
- Just hold on. - Derek, for your birthday...
...we thought we'd roll out...
...a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity.
Happy birthday, Derek.
Music.
Prestige Worldwide, wide, wide, wide.
Prestige Worldwide.
- The first word in entertainment. - First word.
- Management. - Financial portfolios.
- Insurance. - Computers.
- Black leather gloves. - Research and development.
Putting in the man-hours to study the science of what you need.
Last week we put Liquid Paper on a bee...
...and it died.
- Security. - Security.
- And... - And.
- Possibly you. - Possibly you.
- Oh, this is classic. This is... - We'd like to present...
...the world premiere of Prestige Worldwide's first music video...
...by our first act, Huff and Doback.
- Roll it. - Roll it.
Pay close attention, Dad. It's gonna look familiar.
- This is... This is perfect. - Is that my boat?
Yes, it is.
What are you doing on my boat?
The Niña, the Pinta The Santa María
I'll do you in the bottom While you're drinking sangria
Nachos and Lemonheads On my dad's boat
You won't go down 'Cause my dick can float
We sail around the world And go port to port
Every time I come I produce a quart
That is offensive. Brennan, Dale.
I gotta have me my boats and ho's
Deadliest Catch without the crabs
We're almost out of gas Call the Arabs
Pull up the anchor 'Cause we're leaving dry land
Get below deck With a dick in your hand
Boats and ho's Boats and ho's
I gotta have me my boats and ho's
Are you ready for some world-class vocalization?
- Get a partner. - Wait a minute.
- Who's steering the boat? - Dad, please shut up.
Please shut up!
Yeah!
So...
...big question is:
Aside from the damage to the boat, which we will fix...
...what'd you think of the presentation?
Brennan, I think that what you did to Robert's boat was horrid.
Having said that, I think that both of you boys...
...showed a lot of enthusiasm and inventiveness.
Yes. Thank you.
You gotta be kidding me.
They destroyed our dream and you're calling it inventive.
- No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that. - Yes, you did.
Come on, you did.
It's gonna be four years, at least, before we can sail anywhere.
- And you could care less, admit it. - I will not admit that...
...because it is not true. - Oh, yeah.
But, you know, I do think that you could show...
...a little bit more attentiveness to your son and your stepson...
...who obviously need you.
It's true, Dr. Doback.
You've been very cold and unsupportive of our dreams.
You wrecked my fucking boat, you goon!
Don't speak to my son like that.
Your son's costing me $80,000.
We could bicker about this all night, but what's done is done, Dad.
- Are you guys gonna invest or not? - That's it! That's it!
- What are you doing? - Grab the wheel!
I can't believe you're being so stingy.
- Robert, come down. - It's a simple business decision.
You jackaloons!
You're failures! Failures!
And you're embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
- Brennan. - Two things:
You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother.
She's a saint!
Then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $ 10,000.
Oh, stop it.
Or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass...
- Brennan! ...you can hear the sound...
...of your small intestine as it produces shit!
- All right, here we go. - Oh, my Lord.
Somebody should've done this a long time ago, and I'm gonna do it.
- What are you doing? - Robert.
There are consequences for your actions.
- No! Robert! - Dad!
- This is not the answer. - You're next, mister.
- You understand me? - Yes.
- Certain behaviors... - Let go of me.
...will not be tolerated! - My ass is on fire!
Wow, the tree looks great, Nancy. Really tasteful.
Thank you, Dale. That's a very nice sweater you're wearing.
It was my mom's. I took the shoulder pads out.
Oh, and, Brennan? Denise called...
...and she said she can't go out with you on New Year's Eve...
...because she's not your girlfriend, she's your therapist.
- Is that what she said? - Yeah.
She's a rascal.
Hey, Dad, Nancy?
Would it be cool if Brennan and I opened just one present each...
...since it's Christmas Eve?
I'm gonna go down to the Cheesecake Factory, have a drink.
But it's Christmas Eve.
Merry Christmas.
- Yes. - Yeah.
I had my eye on one.
I hope it's what I think it is.
Oh, my God. Hulk Hands!
Wait, Dale got Hulk Hands?
Well, you reek of Scotch and cheesecake.
You know...
...tonight at the Cheesecake Factory was the happiest I've been in months.
- Well, then I feel very sorry for you. - Well, just...
Nancy, I don't know if I can ever forgive them for wrecking my boat.
- Why are you giving up? - I'm not giving up. I'm not.
- You are. You're giving up on our boys. - But they're 40.
I don't care how old they are. They're still our children.
Well, sometime it's got to matter how old they are.
That's all we do, is... Oh, sweet Jesus.
Oh, it... You know, they'll go back to bed.
See? They're sleepwalking.
No. No.
See, back to bed.
They'll be fine.
Just nonsense. I'm gonna wake them up.
- No. Why would you do such a thing? - Well, because it's...
- Never, ever wake up a sleepwalker. - See, that's it.
- We can't ever do anything. - No.
But they could do real harm to themselves or others.
- Oh, the Christmas presents. - No, guys... No, no, don't...
- No. But... - I think we should take control.
- It's always about them. - How do you propose to do that?
- Oh, Jesus. - Whatever you do, don't wake them.
They might do real harm to themselves or others.
- Not everybody does know that. - Oh, the Christmas tree!
Oh, not the... No, don't... All right, that's it!
- I'm waking them up! - No! No!
- Don't wake them up! - That's a myth!
- Wake up, both of you. - Don't.
I told you! I told you!
Stop it! Don't hurt him!
The pictures! Nancy!
Robert!
I mean, I was driving around with a buddy of mine, Topher.
You guys remember Topher, right?
Driving around, he has this brand-new Testarossa, right?
We hit this four-point buck. Dead. Lying in the road.
Long story short, we sue the state of Michigan.
I end up getting 125 G's. Okay? You know what I spent that money on?
Sniper rifle to hunt deer.
Either way, the deers lose, my friends.
Good riddance. Eat all the damn flowers, anyway.
If you'll excuse me...
...I think I'm going to go into the other room to check my hair.
- Excuse me. - Sorry, everybody.
If you'll excuse my space-cadet wife here.
Let's just say the meds aren't helping.
I'm kidding. Kidding. But not at all.
I have to get some more gravy.
- Oh, Dale, it's right there. - Oh, no.
Shush up, Nancy. I have to get some more bread.
What did I do to deserve that?
What do any of us do to deserve anything?
I pay enough taxes to support all these lazy goddamn liberals.
Get off me! Off! Get back. Get back! Back!
- What do you want? - Merry Christmas, darling.
- Merry Christmas. - Oh, that was torture.
I couldn't eat another bite of turkey without thinking of you inside of me.
Come on, let's try something illegal.
So, Tommy, what did you get for Christmas?
Well, Santa brought me the Bowflex and $ 1000 in fresh-minted $50 bills.
Wanna know what I got for Christmas? A crushed soul.
- Alice, please. - Sing along, Santa.
You know this song.
What is that noise?
It's... This is the ghost.
- Just try to be quiet. Okay. - You're right. You're right.
- We've got to be discreet. - All right.
No, no! Oh, hey.
Are you all still talking in here?
What are you doing?
Alice was moving a chair from the living room into the dining room...
...for an extra chair and her back went out.
And I just did the best thing, which is get right on the muscles...
- Muscles. ...so they don't seize up.
Just add some heat to it.
Damn it, Dale, sit down.
It's just a real deep, tight muscle.
Hey, sweetie, can you grab me a beer?
- I'll get you another Heineken. - Yeah.
Merry Christmas.
And how about you, Tiffany, what did you get for Christmas?
I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace.
But next year I'm gonna ask Santa for breast implants...
...because I'm impatient with my body.
Hey, Tiffany. Wanna know what I got? A crushed soul.
You mentioned that earlier.
- So good. - Oh, gosh!
It's gone into a real bad spasm, so I put a yoga move on her.
- grant me this one, because I was pretty wasted.
So I put my lips around that breathalyzer...
...and I saw those numerals pop up:
0.079.
So I started going to Chad Michael Murray's Christmas party.
I think that was the year. And just driving...
I have to interrupt you. Robert, while the children are in the living room...
...I think this would be a good time to make our announcement.
- What's going on? - It's over.
I'm gonna be moving in with my friend Jack Handle...
...and Nancy found a townhouse in the city.
What is this? What's happening?
What Robert is trying to say is that we are getting a divorce.
- Don't do this. - No. No!
- I could've called this one. - No.
- Yeah. - Is it our fault?
- Is it because we were bad? - No. No.
The main thing that Robert and I talked about...
...is that we did not want you two to blame yourselves.
- What can we do to fix it? - Dale, honey, are you okay?
- Why are you calling him "honey"? - I cannot stress this enough:
- It is not your fault. - Whose fault is it?
- Fuck it, I wanna fucking know! - Let's cut the shit.
- It is directly your fault. - Robert.
You destroyed my boat.
You beat me up in your sleep...
...and worst of all, you made Nancy and I resent each other.
- It is absolutely 150 percent your fault! - Of course it's their fault.
They're the world's biggest dickheads, and they're living in your house.
- Shut up, Derek. - I'm sorry, but that...
Please don't cry like that. Please don't, Brennan.
- Mommy! - Dale!
I told you that they would feel completely to blame.
- Oh, let's grow up. - I think I'm going to throw up.
- I think I'm gonna throw up... - Don't throw up.
...all the nice dinner that I had. I'm gonna throw it up.
- You're not gonna throw up. - He's gonna throw up.
- Come on. - My God, he threw up. Oh, this is ugly.
- Hey, guys. Guys. - This is not nice!
- All right, dipshits. Right here. - Stop it, Derek.
- One, two, three... - I don't want my picture taken now.
Good luck, and remember, I need you out of this house by tomorrow.
No exceptions.
If there's anything you need, anything that you boys need...
...you just give me a call. Okay? It's all right.
Hey. Are you awake?
Yeah.
I can't believe we actually have to move out of this house.
I know. I feel bad.
Hey, you know, we don't have to whisper anymore.
Mom and Dad aren't here.
Yeah, but can we keep doing it, though?
It helps me pretend that they are.
You must feel just terrible.
- I mean, I know I feel bad. - Yeah.
But I can't imagine how you feel...
...after my dad looked right at you and said...
...it's all your fault that they broke up.
That's funny, because my mom said:
"If that curly-headed fuck Dale wasn't here...
...everything would be perfect."
- You take that back. - No way. It's your fault.
You know what your problem is?
You live in a fantasy land. You refuse to get a job...
...and you don't know what it's like to work for something.
You don't take responsibility for your actions. This is all your fault!
Well, you're a mama's boy who's too chicken to sing in public!
Yeah, that's right.
Run away, little boy, because you know it's true.
Just avoid everything.
What are you doing?
- Dale broke up Mom and Dad - Motherfucker!
Dale broke up Mom and Dad Dale broke up Mom and Dad
- Dale broke up Mom and... - Brennan!
Get up, Brennan, I know you're faking. Get up!
Get up!
Brennan?
It's just like Cold Case Files. It's just like Cold Case Files.
People die every day.
Give him a proper burial in an unmarked grave...
- Brennan! You're alive! Oh, my God. - I know.
I'm alive.
- You were dead. I saw you die! - I was faking.
I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.
- What are you doing? - I'm burying you.
- I'm alive. Brennan, I'm alive. - You're waking the neighbors!
- Shut up! - No. No.
- Now I'm gonna play your drum set. - Help me.
Close your eyes. Let the dirt just shower over you.
This is your fault.
Oh, I'm exhausted. I'm gonna sleep good tonight.
- Don't you touch my drums! - Zombie!
Zombie! Zombie!
Get off me, zombie.
Get off.
I'm late for school.
I will kiss you right on the mouth, Kenny Rogers.
- Just get off me. - Hey.
So I guess it's really over.
I'd say you trying to bury me alive pretty much did it.
You know what I just realized?
You've been the one dragging me down.
Now I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna get a job and an apartment...
...and then I'm gonna get Mom and Dr. Doback back together.
I'm gonna be the hero, and you can suck on it.
My life was perfect before you came here.
Me and my dad had a perfect setup, and you wrecked it.
Hey.
We're no longer brothers.
We never were. We were stepbrothers.
- That was one of your best. - These balls fucking suck.
All right.
Well, well, well, look who's here, boys.
Can you give me a job, please?
TJ, get an office pool going.
Give Ken-Doll Crotch here two weeks, tops.
Dr. Angel Face, I just wanted to say thank you...
...for meeting me on such short notice.
- Don't call me Angel Face. - I apologize.
I'm very alone right now, and the thing I wanna ask you to help me...
To show me how I can be a grown-up.
Do I carry my high-school diploma around?
What do you do with your hair?
What happens if there's inclement weather?
Where do you...? What do you wear?
Can you wash clothes in the dishwasher?
I notice that there's a long gap in your job history...
...and it said for 22 years...
...you went Kerouac on everyone's ass?
I'm gonna be honest with you. I really need a job.
And I will take any position, as long as it doesn't involve...
...having sex with old ladies for money or bear traps.
- Those are my two bugaboos. - All right, got it.
There's a catering business, there's a temp job open.
And you get to play with fire.
What do you want? This is my online-poker time.
I'm ready to take on the Catalina Wine Mixer.
Slow down there, Speed Racer.
I know what it entails, and I'm ready to nail it.
I want it, okay? I want the Catalina Wine Mixer.
- Yo, yo. - Hey, D-man.
- You tell him what's up? - I sure did.
- Hey. - Hey.
Your brother wants a shot at the Catalina Wine Mixer.
I'm ready, walking tall.
You're ready to run with the bulls?
I've been earning and burning, snapping necks and cashing checks.
Screw it, let's let him do it. It's a win-win for me...
...because if you fuck up, Brennan... - Yeah?
...I get to fire your ass. But if you pull it off, I look like a genius to the board.
- Okay? - I get it.
Brennan, here's the thing.
It's the Catalina fucking Wine Mixer, okay?
Are you saying "pow"? What are you saying?
It's the biggest helicopter-leasing event in the Western Hemisphere...
...since 1997.
- Why does he keep doing that? - I have to sell or lease...
...at least 80 choppers to make my nut.
And you mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
Like Kobayashi.
I've seen him do it.
You've seen him eat a penis?
It was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him.
I tell you now, I'll nail it. I'll pull it off, okay?
Wait a second, why do you want this so bad?
Trying to get Mom and Dad back together or something?
- Why do I want this? - Yeah.
Because I wanna make bank, bro. I wanna get ass.
And I wanna drive a Range Rover.
Okay, well, you better, Brennan.
This is the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
Nancy. Hi.
Hi. What are you doing here?
Well, Dale's working the function.
Guys, this is supposed to be jicama, not bok choy.
Sorry, folks.
And I got an invitation from Brennan.
Can you believe Brennan put all this together?
And now here we all are in Catalina.
- It's funny, huh? - Yeah, it's funny.
- Hey, hey, hey. - Hey.
Not bad. You're nailing it.
- Thanks, Randy. That means a lot. - Yeah.
I don't know what it is...
...but I wanna deliver one of these right in your suck hole.
- Is there anything I can do? - No. Not really. It's your face.
Again, you're doing great, man. The Catalina Wine Mixer.
We're all having a great time, having fun.
You pulled it off. But if you don't change your face...
...l'm gonna change it for you. - Okay. Okay.
All I can do is take that in, consider it...
...and I'll just do my best version of whatever I think that would be.
I don't even hear you, your face is driving me nuts.
- Thanks again, though. - Oh, tits. Hold on.
- Hey. Hello, Catalina Wine Mixer. - Hi.
How are you? We are Uptown Girl.
We are California's preeminent 1980s Billy Joel cover band.
"Piano Man"!
What did I just say, man?
All right, we don't play that...
...so let's keep it in the '80s and let's keep it fun.
You having a good time?
I hope you are, because sometimes life can be tough.
And I know that sometimes it's hard to "Keeping the Faith."
You guys seem to be hitting it off.
Oh, honey.
Oh, my God, this is the greatest party.
- Hello, Robert. - Way to go.
- Brennan, this is fantastic. - Way to go.
So impressed.
- Hi, Dad. Hi, Nancy. - Hi, Dale.
- Hey, Brennan. - It's good to see you.
Thanks for hiring our catering company.
Easy decision. You guys have a outstanding track record.
- Just like old times, huh? - Right, it really is.
You still have your night-vision goggles?
No, no. No, I had to sell those to pay for car insurance.
How about you? You still breaking boards...
...or kicking holes in pumpkins or anything?
No.
But I did start taking baby aspirin to reduce my risk for heart attack.
That makes sense. Gotta keep an eye on it, you know.
- Knock off the sweets. - Thank you.
It's a truly funny observation.
Yeah.
Dale, the empanadas are starting to sweat.
Okay. I better run.
- It's good to see you, Brennan. - You too.
- Take care, be well. Take care, Dad. - Okay, buddy.
- It's great to talk to him. - Yeah.
I gotta go too.
We should do this again. I think it was very constructive.
- Maybe grab a bite to eat? - Sure.
- Go to Outback Steakhouse. - Okay.
I've grown very fond of that place.
Thank you for coming.
Great to see you.
It was very nice to see you, Robert.
I think Brennan organized this whole thing to get us back together.
You have to excuse me. I think that I just might cry.
It's the funniest thing. Bye-bye.
"Start the Fire," buddy!
Come on, man. Play something from The Stranger!
We strictly do '80s Joel music, sir.
'80s Billy Joel doo-wop sucks!
Hey, listen, motherfucker, we only sing '80s Joel!
So take your skank hooker wife and get the fuck out of here!
Shit.
- What's wrong? - All right. "What's wrong?"
Get him out of here. Get his ass out of here!
Hey.
Hey, great job, fuck face. You just busted my nut. This party's shot.
Just relax. I didn't realize he would say these things.
You know what? You cost me money.
So this isn't even a judgment call, man.
- You're Audi 5000, my friend. - Derek, can't we talk about this?
No.
- Hey. - Shit.
- Is everything okay? - No. He just fired me.
What happened to the music?
The band left. The guy freaked out.
Derek fired me.
- It's no big deal. - Robert, you don't get it.
It's the Catalina Wine Mixer!
People have killed to be in the position I'm in.
- He's right. It's a big deal. - Here's a thought:
I see an empty stage.
I see drums, I see a drummer.
I see a microphone, and I see a singer.
- Dad, come on. - What?
- We gave that stuff up. - We don't do that.
Listen to me. Dale, look, when I was a kid...
...when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur.
I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus rex more than anything.
I made my arms short and I roamed the backyard...
...and I chased the neighborhood cats, and I growled and I roared.
Everybody knew me and was afraid of me.
And then one day, my dad said:
"Bobby, you're 17. It's time to throw childish things aside."
And I said, "Okay, Pop."
But he didn't really say that, he said, "Stop being a dinosaur and get a job."
But, you know, I thought to myself, "I'll go to medical school...
...l'll practice for a little while, and then I'll come back to it."
- Dad... - How is that a skill?
But I forgot how to do it.
You're human.
- You could never be a dinosaur. - Yeah.
Hey, I lost it.
- Dad, what's the point? - Yeah.
The point is don't lose your dinosaur.
Yeah. You know, I hated the way you guys were before.
I mean, I hated you.
But it just kills me to see you so crushed and normal.
Listen to me, don't listen to me...
...Prestige Worldwide, that's what you gotta do.
- You're saying we should go for it. - That's what I'm saying.
What do you think, Brennan?
I'm so scared right now. I'm gonna do what's sensible:
I'm gonna file for unemployment...
...and I'm gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car.
Because they got a excellent corporate structure...
...and they give you the tools to be your own boss.
My dad's right.
This isn't me.
I'm fucking miserable. I had to get up at 10:00 this morning.
And even though I just got a tidal wave of nerves...
...l'm going up on that stage...
...and I'm gonna make beautiful music for a sad world.
- Dale... - That's the boy I know.
This crowd's gonna eat him alive.
Wait, what's he doing up there?
Somebody get him off the fucking stage!
Hi. How you doing?
My name's Dale Doback, and I hope you like to kick it.
Oh, go get them, Dale!
Boats and ho's
Get off the stage, you dick!
Stop yelling at him.
- Terrible! - Terrible.
He's a human being.
Dale has a mangina Dale has a mangina
No.
Gotta have me my boats and ho's
He's up there alone, Brennan. He's up there alone.
Gotta have me my boats and ho's
- You suck! - What are you doing, Brennan?
Gotta have me my...
Brennan, no!
- What did you do? - Oh, Jesus, Nancy.
I couldn't stand to see him like that. I miss my son.
All right. Let me go for a few bars. Come in soft, but then finish strong.
- Okay. Hey, Brennan? - Yeah.
- Thanks for coming up. - You got it, Dragon.
We got a little change coming up.
It's my main man Brennan.
Boats and ho's
- You did it, Derek. - I made a kite fly.
Brennan, you're the best big brother ever!
- floor mats. The ones that match the seats, and I kind of wanted...
I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed.
Lumberjack!
Rock the fuck out of those drums, Dale!
I'm sorry.
- We're Prestige Worldwide! - Prestige Worldwide!
- Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. - It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
It's the fucking Catalina Wine Mixer.
Brennan, that was sublime.
Amazing. We are so proud of you both.
- Thank you. - Incredible.
- Thank you so much. - Hey.
So I made my quota. Yeah, we sold a shit-ton of copters.
- That's so good. - Yeah.
Look, I'm not great at this Hallmark stuff...
...but, Brennan, when I look at you now...
...I don't wanna kick you in the head quite as much.
Thanks, man.
- That was beautiful. - That was nice.
Yeah.
- What do we do now? - We could hug.
Yeah, you'd like that, faggot. Sorry. I'm...
Okay.
- It's okay. - Okay.
- That's what we've been looking for. - That's the ticket.
It's fantastic.
We've never done anything like that, so you can't expect it to be perfect.
It was good.
- Felt good. - Gotten close to a hug.
- Hello, Brennan. Hi. - Denise. Hey.
Robert, Mom, Derek, this is my girlfriend, Denise.
- Hi. How are you? - Actually, I'm his therapist.
- We are in absolutely no way dating. - Right.
Brennan told me he was going to hurl his body off a helicopter...
...into shark-infested waters...
...so I had a legal obligation to be here.
I get it.
Don't wanna appear too eager, and that is a good strategy too.
You are an enabler. You think you're helping...
...but you're not. - And you are a keeper.
What'd you think?
Brennan, I thought you were incredibly brave.
And I mean that...
...in strictly the most clinical and professional sense possible...
...with no emotional, intimate, sexual...
...or any other undertones that you could possibly infer.
God, you're gonna make me cry.
What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?
Alice...
...I like making sex with you. - Yeah.
I do. But you're also married.
It's over.
This is crazy. I'm a mother.
I have two children, I have a husband, a beautiful home.
- I can't be fucking around with you. - It was fun. It was fun, right?
- It was fun while it lasted. - I'm glad. All right, well, good luck.
- No. - Oh, my God, Dale!
- Please don't leave me. - Oh, my God. Look at that whale.
Where?
Dale!
So I was with Seal...
...and we were just taking a chopper up to Everest base camp...
...and the plot to my Sherpa... - Derek. Derek.
- Sorry. Okay. - Remember, we talked about this.
Dale, Brennan. Tell me about the karaoke business.
Really great, Dad. Yeah. We call it Karaoke 'n' Roll.
We got six bars, three restaurants, and two more wanna sign up.
- So it's booming. - Fantastic.
Most karaoke it's, "Open to everyone.
- Hey, just get up and have fun." - Not you guys.
If you can't sing, just sit down. That's our motto.
- It's the big leagues. - You guys are doing so great.
Guys, I have a little Christmas surprise for Dale and Brennan.
- You wanna see it? - Yes!
- You bet! - Let's go look at it! Come on.
- Don't peek. - I smell cookies.
Be patient. No, no. No, no.
- Just a piñata, isn't it? - Be patient. Be patient.
- Be patient. - Did you get me a tiger, Dad?
Okay, open your eyes.
Merry Christmas.
Holy shit!
Dad, I can't believe you put the boat in the tree!
This is amazing!
- It's The Gilded Lady. She lives! - I can't believe it.
- How'd you get it up here? - Oh, Robert, it's so great.
- Pirate hats! - Pirate hats!
- Hustlers! - Hustlers!
Dad, that was so thoughtful!
- Crossbows! - Crossbows!
You guys finally came to your senses and got us something cool.
You both know this is completely fucked up, right?
- Yeah. - Of course.
But Brennan sure can wear the shit out of that pirate hat.
- Chewbacca masks! - Chewbacca masks!
It's okay that mine's not movie-quality.
But he's like, "No, because you drove my car last week, so I can't get it."
So I'm like "You're gonna buy it for me or I'm gonna sock you in the mouth."
Oh, shit.
Well, if it isn't Dale Doback and his little butt buddy.
Sticks and stones may break my bones...
...but I'm gonna kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!
Let's get them!
- Where do you think you're going? - Home.
- We got something to show you. - Come on.
- You see that white dog crap? - Do you see it?!
- Yeah. - Not too fun down there, is it?
- No. - You see?
Your actions have consequences!
When you oppress people, they rise up in a fiery anger!
Go home.
We're not like you. We're grown-ups, motherfucker!
Say hi to your dad. We went to high school together.
The cops'll be here soon.
I guess this is what it feels like to be grown up.
Hey.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah, of course.
You know back when you first moved in?
Yeah.
- Did you touch my drum set? - No, I didn't.
No, really, I won't get mad. I just wanna know.
No, I know. You said you wouldn't get mad.
I'm saying I didn't do it. I didn't do it, I never did it.
- Then I owe you an apology. - No.
No, you don't, at all. No.
Why wouldn't you take an apology if you didn't do it?
Just because I'm cool. It doesn't matter.
You got my passport.